Redjackrose Creative Works

This Is Where I Be

Just a little about me

 I was born on July 1, 1980 Miami Fl, the second child and only girl to my Mother Tracee (A lot of y’all think she’s my sister) and for the last 9yr she been the best mother a girl could want, but it hasn’t all ways been that way. Our grandmother raised my brother and me since the age of 2yr and 9months old. My grandmother Mrs. Pearl A. Holloway was a strong and strict, but loving woman, she later passed in 2001. 

Baby-10yr: My Grandmother moved us to California (my mother followed but was still absence, she was struggling with a drug addiction). My Grandmother was a street peddler she sold liters, incense and earrings all through San Francisco and Oakland.  This was the first job I could remember having. My cousin and me use to stand out in front of Safeway or Lucky selling incense, my Grandma let us keep half of what we made. Now what I remember about my mom was that she stayed in SF, she came and got my brother and I every weekend, then every other weekend, then once a month and then……… and which every boyfriend she had at the time treated me like a princess. But when we got home my Grandma corrected any vision I had of my mom by “Keeping it Real” and after a child has spent a weekend with their mother which made her look like the best mother in the world, the last thing they want to hear is someone call her names and say if she so good why don’t you go live with her, knowing that was not possible.

 Jr. High: Now my mom stop coming around and I was getting to old to push incense and of course I didn’t want any of my peers to see me, it’s bad enough they tease me at school. At this time I was realizing what’s cute and what not “ME”.  Let me give you a visual; Semi tall, dark skin, short & nappy hair, flooding pants and dirty shoes, you get the picture. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get my look together.

 At home they use to call me “somebody” because when Grandma would yell “somebody bring me this or that” I’m the only one who would come.

During my last year of Jr. High my Grandma announce that we will be moving to the East coast, of course everyone protested; my auntie, uncle, brother and cousins, but I was fine with moving, because I had no friends to leave behind, I wanted to start all over anyways.

First 2-3yr of High School: Just My Grandmother and I moved to Brooklyn New York. I attended Manhattan Performing Arts HS. Living in NY was one of those experiences that I wish I had taken advantage of.

While living in NY, I went to about 5 plays, I was into modeling and photography, I was introduce to reading novels for your personal pleasure (not homework related).

Now I don’t know if the people where different or was it just me, all of a sudden others people thought I was cute, mostly men, older men. They would tell me I should be a model and how they can take care of me, just because they had money and some wheels, and that’s all it took to get me hooked.

Being that I felt rejected all my younger life these compliments went straight to my head. I started cutting school to be with these older men, I was lying to my Grandma about where I’ve been, I even got pregnant when I was 13yr old, my Grandmother said God is giving you a second chance, but my head was so big, I wasn’t trying to hear her say stop what I was doing.

16-17yr’s old: So in the middle of my third year of high school I ran away. I was A-Wall for about 6months and now I was starting to see these men for what they really were, which was Pimps, they talk all good to you and get you use to a certain lifestyles. You start to believe you’re mature enough for the world. And that when they hit you with that line “ You so beautiful you can make a lot of money” they make you think they got your back and your going to be rocking the hottest clothes, and having fun while you make money, when in reality it’s hard work not to mention embarrassing. 

My clothes were not cute they were small and I was freezing my butt off, my feet were hurting from walking or running in heels. And money, I had none the man took the money and only left me $20.00 a day to by something to eat, and the only clothes I could buy was clothes for work, needless to say I got tired of this quick and was on the first thing flying to CA to live with my Mom and her new family. 

17-20yr’s old: I moved back to California and started to put my life back together. At this time my mom had her third child (my brother Carlos); she was also married and had a promising career in the medical field. There was a definitely change in my mom from what I remember of her.

My mom had turn her life around and created a stable home for her and her child. I secretly wonder and whish that she would have done that for me and my older brother, but only now as an adult and a parent, I’ve learn to forgive. With my mom as a role model, I started to etch out a path for myself.

I enrolled in Job Corp, Moved to LA to live in the dorms, I got my GED and driver license. I moved to Hollywood to Job Corp honor roll dorms, I got a Part time job at Office Max right off of Hollywood & Vine and I went to vocation training for advance business clerical and I graduated as a Certified Word Processor and Business Administrator.

I moved back to Oakland with a job lined up and money saved from school. Met my daughter’s Father and gave birth to Aliyah Samone Robinson in late 2000.

21-25yr’s old: During this part of my life it was field with the regular woes of parenting and relationships. It didn’t work out between me and Aliyah’s father; I had no problem moving on, it took him a little longer and a restraining order for him to move on.  Me and Aliyah had a roof over our head, but sometime there was no food to eat or enough money to pay rent plus utilities and gas in the car; it was a struggle and at times I made haste discussion to get over problematic situation. I join Mt. Calvary Church looking for positive friends seeing that I had none. I learned a lot about being a respectable woman in Gods eyes and I got involved with the growing of my spiritual faith.   

25-29yr’s old: My mom was always near and willing to help with Aliyah, allowing me the opportunity to enroll in college while working and graduate with an AA in Business Accounting.  After school I obtained a job as an admin assistant and have been working for the same company for four years.

Now that I’m grown I look back at my life and wish I would have did things different and I wish that I would have taken advantage of a lot of Opportunities that was presented to me, not to say that I’m not satisfied where I am at, but it would have been a whole lot easier if I didn’t take the long way around, and not to say that I’m where I want to be because at the age of 29yr I still have some years to grow, and with love and guidance from God I know that I’m growing in the right direction.

For the most part I believe I’ve had the average life experience of a black urban girl, expect for a couple of pot hole that could have been avoided if I recognized that god is my light for he can expose those life traps.

Letter I wrote to my brother in Prison.

Dear Big brother,

 

            Hope this letter reaches you in the best health. First let me start by saying SORRY for not writing you. It’s hard for me to think of thing to write, or even start a letter. Writing a letter could be so depressing, not because of whom I’m writing, it’s because of what I’m choosing to say or not to say. It’s hard to explain in words without getting beeper into depressing with ever word I write.

 

I’m sure mom told you all what’s going go, NOTHING EXCITING.  New apartment, which isn’t new any more, been there since Aug 06, it took a lot of hustling to get it. It feels good to come home to a bigger place, sometimes that just mean bigger messes to clean up. I’m driving a Chrysler 04 and the car payment is kicking my butt. Aliyah acting up in class and I’m starting to feel like a bad mom. Aliyah eats constantly it seem like she’s always hungry, I know I should be giving her a more nutrition diet, but it’s hard keeping food in the house. I got one bill after another. On the outside it might look like I’m doing good, but Brotha let me tell you, I’m just faking it! Till I make it! The only thing keeping me going is my God and Aliyah.

 

I’m going to end this letter now, because I can’t think of any thing happy to write about. I just spent a hour on this letter and I had to eraser a lot of it, because it was just getting a little too Heavy. I know there are people worst off then me, so ever night I count my blessing and hope that God show me mercy just for ONE MORE DAY.

 

Love your sister

 

Redjackrose pulls inspiration from favorite artis

My favorite artist is “TQ” and his album “They never saw me Coming” TQ is a true R&B Thug just like Jahiem, R-Kelly and Lyfe J. these are fine men who has stolen the heart of women who crave a ruff neck in her life.

These men don’t talk about slapping a B#!@h and putting her on the track, but about loving his women and him getting on the grind to get paid.

 

 

FAV LYRIC :      I promise you  Lord if you let me do 1 more lick 
I'm a stop slanging' and get out this shit 
No more indo no more yay 
But let me keep my Benz and my crib in GA 
I pray to you Lord that you do the same for all my friends 
I don't ever wanna say this prayer again 
Gotta see a million and I'm thru with this 
And all I'm gonna need is just one more lick

Some thing I wrote for Church

Now a focus is a constant developing thought within the mind.

As Pastor Fort read from Romans 12:2 today.

We were told; in order to do this, we must “Renew or mind.”

This action of Renewing ones mind takes focus, such as

 

I’m focusing on going back to school, I’m Focusing on getting my body in shape, and I’m focus on staying away from you.

These same thoughts turn into focuses even sound like they have more substance.

 

I believe that’s why our Pastor has devoted a whole Year to the focus of Change, not just the thought of change.

 

Once a thought is determined to be necessary

 (Which change is necessary for our objective)

 That Thought is now Converted into a focus, it undergoes a Process, in which it Develops (it gets bigger, better and clearer)

There is a scene of what the out come will be.

This all takes place within your mind, which is the control of our action.

 

The longer a thought is develop in the mind the more steam it builds up to go further.

That’s why long-term goals take more focus and a slip of the tongue takes only a thought.

 

Let’s go back to my original question

“If change is our focus, then what is our objective?

   

Paul teaches us that our mind should be Christ like

Philippians 2:5 “Let this mind be in you, which also is in Christ Jesus.”

 

This is the same mind that has to decipher thought from focus.

This is the same mind, which controls our action.

 

Now, I believe there is two-entity working within us.

There’s the Spirit or our conscience it communicates to our feelings

And there’s the Mind or our brain which communicate to the body

(in Biblical term the flesh)

 

I want to paint an illustration, of a person in the hospital.

 The doctor has deemed them Brain dead meaning their mind no longer function.

Yet their heart and lungs are still pumping.

Now this person is connected to a machine that keeps them alive it’s called the life support.

What that tells me is there is still life in this body.

The mind gives support to your life.

What’s this life I’m talking about?

It’s the life in the flesh.

There is still life in this body but without the mind there is no change.

 

The life inside of us, which is the Spirit, it does not control the flesh.

The Holy Spirit battles with the flesh because our mind is the natural source of our sins.

 

That’s why the tree in the Garden of Eden was called the Knowledge of Good and Evil and not the Feeling of Good and Evil.

Because even as sinners we are convicted by the Spirit of what is Good and Evil.

   

Why of all people that we must mimic, Christ is the ultimate task for our mind to focus on.

 

Paul knows that man can never be Christ, but let that mind which controls the flesh, let it focus on the example set by Jesus Christ.

 

This focus takes a lifetime in the flesh, which is the span of time that God has set for you, to focus on your objective.

 

“So if change is our focus then what is our Objective?”

For me it’s Ever lasting life.

For the flesh will die, yet the soul shall be spared either for the Kingdom or the Fire.

 

So I’m Focusing on changing my mind to be more Humbly, Loving, Encouraging, Faithful, Fruitful and Prosperous, for I have an objective and this mind gives support to the life in the flesh which, paves the way for the life in the Spirit.

 

I just thank God for the time he gives me to focus my mind on change in order to reach my Objective.

 

 

Mt Calvary Baptist church

Women’s Ministry.